Dear Kayde, You’re A Big Boy Now

Dear Kayde,

I’m a huge slacker.

A lot changes in a very short amount of time. But for some reason I never feel that I have anything significant to write.

You are now two years, two months, and twenty-two days old. Weird, and completely unintentional. You’re a genius, but we’ve known this since the day you were born. You go to sleep in your own bed now, in your own room, like a big boy. Most early mornings you come crawling back into my bed, which is okay with me. I’m proud of you for sleeping by yourself for most of the night. You brush your teeth before bed, grab your blankie, binky, and cup, and walk into your room. You’re never very happy about it, as you’re usually whining or crying. But you do it, and that is what’s important.

You still see Daddy the same amount of time, between six and eight days a month. And Daddy pays child support finally, after signing an agreement giving me sole physical custody of you. Now we’re just waiting for the date of our hearing to finalize our divorce.

I’m hoping I’ll be able to get a court order stating that I can take you out of state, so we can move to Austin in about a year. Daddy won’t agree to it, so I’m desperately hoping it will still work out. Otherwise we’re stuck here. I hate it here. And Craig isn’t here. And there are so many better opportunities for us in Austin. I wish Daddy would stop being selfish and think about what’s best for you. I would never keep you from him, you’d still see him just as much.

We’re still living with Bammy and Ampa. It definitely isn’t my favorite place to be, but I do appreciate the opportunity to live comfortably while also saving money for our future. I have a job interview tomorrow, so hopefully I’ll be working a “real” job soon, as well as continuing school in the Fall. I’m trying really hard to not let my anxieties control my life. And I’ll do anything to give you the life you deserve.

I love you so much, Chickaletta.

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Dear Kayde, I’m Sorry I Don’t Write

Dear Kayde,

I haven’t written directly to you in nearly a year. I’m deeply sorry for that.

It’s been a busy year, so much has changed. You and I (mostly me) are in a transitional period in our lives. We moved out of Daddy’s condo and into Grammy’s house. Grammy got kicked out, which meant we got kicked out as well, after only two months. We had nowhere else to go but Auntie Kim and Uncle Pete’s dinky apartment. It didn’t go so well there.

Don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t absolutely horrible, but it was bad enough. I didn’t pay rent, which meant I was obligated to babysit whenever asked, as well as buy 90% of the groceries for everyone in the house (six people). That was the manageable part of the whole experience. Auntie Kim was a crabby lady, and her and Uncle Pete fought quite often. You and Charlotte also fought, but even more often. Charlotte is a biter and a hitter, so you experienced the brunt of that. This made for a crabby Kayde, which made for a sad and frustrated Mommy. We were both crabby and miserable. I was desperate to get us out of there.

After about five months of suffering, Grammy found a new boyfriend, Mike (Grampy). She was planning on moving in with him and invited us to go with her. That’s where we live currently. We have the entire finished basement, which provides more than enough room for us, as well as our own full bathroom. We’re both so much happier. You behave so well, now that you only see Charlotte three days a week.

So that’s a summary of our living situations for the past nine months.

A few other things have changed as well.

Mommy has been seeing this guy, Craig, for about six months now. You love him. Like, absolutely love him. He’s good to you, and he’s good to Mommy. But he’s supposed to be leaving on Tuesday. This was inevitable, as he lives in Texas. It was really just a matter of when. Mommy has mixed feelings about this. I’m sad, because I know I’ll miss him, and it’ll be strange going from sleeping in the same bed as him every night, to him not being there at all. But I feel this is an important thing, because for now we are at a stand still. Have been for the entirety of our unofficial relationship. This will determine what will really happen with us.

Also, Mommy is bored. I spend all my hours, Monday through Friday, with you. And that’s not a complaint, I love it. But as the weekends approach, I get sad and lonely, even with Craig around. I never see my friends anymore. I know I’m a mother, but I’m still young. When you’re at Daddy’s for two nights, I should be going out and enjoying myself. So that’s what I’m going to try to do once Craig leaves.

I think I deserve it. I mean, I take care of you almost entirely by myself, and I think I do a decent job. I also started school at MWCC in January, and I’m doing really well. My classes are online, because I still don’t drive (working on it) and have you all the time. But I’m motivated to get a degree in Graphic Design, so I’m really pushing myself. I’m also working on finding a part time job for when you’re at Daddy’s.

You’re going to be two very soon, in less than a month. Mommy is working extra hard on your Vintage Carnival Birthday party. I hand stitched bean bags for games. I’m currently working on making your invitations from scratch. I even taught myself¬†how to use fondant, so I can make your cake. I get way too excited. I just really love planning things.

Now let’s talk about you.

You’re perfect. I mean, pretty much absolutely perfect. Okay, you’re a little whiny and up my butt at times. And you can also sense when I really need to accomplish things in the kitchen, so you insist on me picking you up. I’m pretty sure it’s intentional. But that’s okay. You’re cute, so I’ll suffer.

Your favorite toys are currently Go! Go! Smart Wheels/Animals and train tracks. I love this, but also hate it. The only reason that I sometimes hate it is that you decide I NEED to set every single piece up for you repeatedly. The point of toys is for YOU to play with them, so that I can accomplish other tasks. Of course, I play with you all the time. But you insist it needs to be EVERY time.

Your favorite shows (you just started really watching tv) are Dinosaur Train, Chuggington, and Paw Patrol. Makes sense. You love trains and your world revolves around puppies.

Your favorite foods are probably pizza and sushi. You loooove pizza. Weird, because I don’t. I am incredibly pleased and impressed that you love sushi. Your favorite seems to be anything with raw tuna. Good boy. (;

Hmm, what else? You’re in a big boy bed now. Of course, you only sleep in it for half of the night, until you crawl into bed with me. Don’t worry, I don’t mind. I’m just happy you go to sleep in your own bed, even if you need your puppy pillow, a blankie, binky, cup, and cabbage patch doll to do it. Whatever works.

You talk so well now. I mean, for an almost two year old with a lisp (which is the cutest). You say pretty much everything. You’ve been speaking for a while, but within the past few months have been constantly picking up new words. Within the past week, you started saying “love you”, which may be my favorite thing you say. You can also name most of your plastic toy animals, which I find pretty impressive. You’re a smart kid, and I’m incredibly thankful for that.

There’s more I have to tell you, but I think I’ll wait.

Love you, Bub.

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It’s been a long time, shouldn’t have left you…

Yes, that is from an Aaliyah song. Don’t judge.

ANYWAY…

Apparently, I’ve been missing from my blog since about May. I apologize. Although I’m sure I was not very dearly missed. A lot has changed in just three/four months. Here’s a quick recap:

I left my husband. Yes, like the husband that I was once miserable over for leaving me. I left him.

I moved into my mother’s house.

I then moved into my friend’s apartment last Friday.

I have a new boyfriend. I know, I know. Too soon.

I also just signed up to become a distributor for It Works!

Now that I’m at my current residence, I have a laptop to use. So hopefully that will mean focusing on my blog a little more. The plan is to start doing reviews/spoilers/deals once again, and I also plan on getting into more detail about the recent happenings in the lives of myself and Kayde.

So stay tuned! Or don’t! (;